Political Pleasantries

In honor of super tuesday I have decided to write something about politics, this is a tale of my most recent humorous encounter with political values. Saturday I was in a chat channel with three friends. One we will call Olive, who is a devout democrat and has worked as an intern for one of the longstanding traditional senate democrats, also dislikes most of the republican candidates outwardly. One we will call Vandalay, a perennial ball buster and jokester supreme, he lives in NY and I think he leans to the left. One who we will call Inter, a staunch Republican. Lastly myself, political preference ????

I will try to recreate the chatlog that had myself and Inter rolling in laughter.

Vandalay: So marty you will be voting for Ron Paul?
Me: Not sure yet! Who knows who I will vote for. I'm guessing you will be voting Clinton in 2008?
Vandalay: Fuck you.
Vandalay: I get to vote in the primary before all of you, that means I'm more important.
Inter: Grats
Me: Good for you
Olive: That's nice, who you gonna vote for?
Vandalay: I don't know, I was thinking...
Vandalay: Mike Huckabee
Olive: Bye
**olive signs off**
Me: Holy shit, that's awesome.
Inter: Wow, just wow.
Vandalay: Nice touch don't you think?

Out of context it doesn't seem as funny, but watching my friend sign off in anger immediately following Vandalay's joke made me laugh for about 10 minutes. Until I heard my roomate put a hole in the wall upstairs.

Communication Breakdown

It's funny how the way you communicate with someone can change in the absence or addition of certain factors. Yesterday I spent most of my day with a scientist out by the Pentagon, and we talked all day about things we needed to do to help him keep the funding for his project. As the day was wearing on you could tell he was feeling a little bit worse and he was losing his voice. Today when I came into the office his voice was completely spent and I still had to speak to him, so I would talk for 5 minutes while he nodded his head and then he would write questions on a piece of paper. It made the communication much more difficult but in the end it was an interesting challenge. Normally we would have just talked and things would have been more even in the conversation, more back and forth with an exchange of ideas.

This happens pretty frequently in non-physical situations with communication as well. A girl will talk to you in a entirely different manner when she is single than when she has a boyfriend. So if one day you are talking to her and the next time you see her she's involved with someone you can sense the way the communication between you two has changed, this is also the case if she does the opposite. I say girls specifically because my interactions with guys don't really change when they are single or in a relationship. If you've ever had a good friend lose someone close to them you can see the immediate change in the way they communicate with you. Sometimes they won't want to talk to you, but they can still write e-mails or talk online.

Your body is one gigantic communication device. My stomach communicates much more positively with the addition of pizza to it. My ear doesn't communicate normally with the application of a finger to it. Your muscles react differently if you are tired, or if you work them out more. Your ability to speak changes when you brun your tongue on Pizza Rolls that contain molten cheese. My nose sends signals more clearly when my finger is used to remove any form or blockage that has accumulated that impeded olfactory reception.

That's right, I wrote a blog just to set up a bad nose picking joke...

Shirt trouble

I used to always have an extra dress shirt at work that I would keep in case of emergency. Emergencies included; spilling stuff on my shirt, ripping my shirt because of it couldn't contain my massive power, or using it if I was forced to come straight to work after a long night out (it has been well over a year since this situation occurred). For some reason I stopped keeping an emergishirt at work, I forget why, perhaps because it encouraged bad behavior and slovenly eating. Whatever the case it may be time to bring this practice back since I've had several incidents that a extra shirt would have been useful for lately. Incidents such as:

1. Precariously balancing a dumpling between my chopsticks above a pool of soy sauce while trying to be super spy sneaky by gleaning information from a co-worker. The dumpling freed itself from my grasp and fell into the waiting pool of soy sauce splashing said soy sauce all over my new shirt pink (yes I now own a pink shirt after fighting against them for years...ugh). It was the last thing I was going to eat for lunch, and I wore my shame for the rest of the day.

2. Twice in two months I was in a staff meeting, stretching my arms, and I blew out the elbow on my shirt. Shredded it Hulk Hogan style. Shirts became unfixable.

3. Today I was sneezing pretty regularly and then all of a sudden I had the sneeze to end all sneezes. Blood came flying out of my nose and all over my mouth and some on my shirt. Needless to say I had to run to the restroom and clean myself off, but even after the application of warm water there is still some small remnant of blood on my shirt. This is the second time I wore this shirt. I'm sure the blood will come out when I clean the shirts but it is still annoying to have blood stains on my shirt that I'm conscientious about.

Next on the menu, keeping granola bars at my desk.

Inappropriate Conversation

Among the things that you probably shouldn't talk about in public, specifically in the confined space of the elevator, is your youngest child. Who happens to be adopted. Who also apparently suffers from Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD). Who you also don't think very highly of, and you think she won't go to college and will live at home for awhile. But you also don't think she's going to grow up to be much regardless of college.

I gleaned that all from a 20 second elevator conversation this morning between two people. I mean for fucks sake, you can talk about that stuff in private, but on the elevator with people in your building, probably not the best place. I may not even know you but I can guarantee that if I see you again all I'm going to think about is, "Oh hey, that's the guy who's youngest child is adopted and he doesn't think very highly of her." My willingness to help you just went downhill in a big way and we may not have ever formally met. Some things just shouldn't be spoken of in public, I think the dislike of immediate family would be one of them. The whole thing leaves me with a bad taste in my mouth and I wasn't all that great to begin with today.

More phone stuff

They recently messed with our phones at work so that everyone had to go in and do a bunch of fun things to get their phones setup again. Apparently there were reports of numerous problems throughout the building, I myself had some issues which I resolved. Anyway, we got an e-mail a couple minutes that I couldn't help but laugh at (parenthesis denotes where I changed the names to protect the innocent):


From: IT Staff

"
All
Please be advised that due to the (phone) transition, the (Help Desk) is experiencing difficulty with their voice messaging system, and are unable to retrieve messages. Until this issue is resolved later today, users can contact the (Help Desk) via email at (helpdesk e-mail). If it is an (Computer) issue, please contact the (computer) Help Desk at ( helpdesk_e-mail) or by dialing (help desk phone) for greater efficiency.
We are also aware of the voicemail directory problems. (Help Desk) is working to resolve these issues and estimates they will have everything up-and-running by the COB today.
Thank you for your patience concerning this matter.
"

So basically the IT folks who run our phone systems can't get their messages because of some technical issues that have caused phone problems for them. The irony will hit you like a ton of bricks later I'm sure.

Lions and Tigers and Department Stores, OH MY!

I was sitting in bed at 4am, and I hadn't slept a wink. I was doing my favorite activity, which is thinking about life, blissfully aware that I needed to get up and go to work in an hour. The next thing I knew I was being chased by three of my least favorite things. I was being hunted by a Terminator who looked like Kathy Bates (the 60 year old actress), while having droves of zombies try to eat me, inside of a mall. I know what your thinking, that is only two things chasing him, he needs to learn to count. I consider having a nightmare inside a mall the third thing. I've been chased by malls all my life, I hate them with a passion, and the fact that I had to run away from Terminator Kathy bates inside of a frustratingly layed-out department store makes me feel like the mall was out to get me.

I did eventually manage to get a grenade launcher in the sporting goods department (specifically in the camping goods...did you know that Thermos makes a grenade launcher set?), and misfire, killing several zombies but not the terminator. Then I got what I believed to be a shotgun, which turned out to be an elaborate squirt gun...I managed to flee the mall by running down some train tracks to a house with my aunts and uncles and cousins, only to find out that they had been targeted by a Hispanic gang. It was at this point I suspected that no good would come of this dream, and I tried to fight off the gang with my squirt gun. The last thing I remember was me running through the house looking for survivors dodging former loved ones turned zombies. I opened a door and the half blown up half zombified remains of the terminator grabbed me. Then I woke up to find out that I had slept through my alarm and was late for work. Awesome.

I guess what I'm really trying to say here is that America is a land of contrast. That and apparently some relatives are going to turn into zombies after I save them from a Hispanic gang who was out to steal our newspaper. Then I get choked by a terminator. Goddamn mall. Also, I dare me to make less sense.

Out of muffin :(

Some days I forget to bring my breakfast, and some days I'm just too lazy. When those days happen I usually go downstairs to the deli in our building and get a blueberry muffin and chocolate milk. The muffins are some of the best I've ever had and the milk is from the Lehigh Valley so you know it is good. After purchasing my breakfast I wander back upstairs in a blissful trace, secure in the knowledge that I'm about to have a very good muffin supplemented by chocolate milk.

This morning I went downstairs and got a muffin and came back up and was eating it. However, I got distracted and had to get up and go talk to people for a few minutes. When I was finished talking I went to go back to my desk, excited at the prospect of finishing my muffin. However when I arrived my spirit sank. I had already finished my muffin before leaving my desk and there was no muffin for me to eat with a smile on my face. I'd forgotten that I finished my muffin and my happy expectations of finishing my delightful breakfast turned to sour disappointment. I don't think I've ever been so sad about something so minor :( I know that the muffin is a part of me now, but I really wanted to finish my muffin...again apparently. Sigh.