There are some things that as a man I just don't understand. And I'm learning more and more each day that there's more and more I don't understand. You see, while most women spend their formative years thinking about fashion and hair/nail/skin care, most guys spend those same hours learning how to play sports, or watch sports, or fart/burp/be disgusting/play video games. So there's a wide berth of knowledge that I'm either outright ignorant about or so completely out of my element that I feel like a sea lion in Barnum and Bailey's circus...wait I can do better than that...I feel like a octopus at a cattle ranch...that's horrible, one more try...I feel like a hyper-liberal bi-sexual fashion designer at a Romney campaign fundraiser trying to raise money to feed jobless inner city able bodied men...still not great.
So for example, if a girl asks if you have conditioner at your house, and you have the 2-in-1 bottle of shampoo and conditioner and answer, "Yes, I have conditioner." You somehow do not have conditioner in that bottle that is clearly labeled 2-in-1 shampoo and conditioner. I'm no science expert, but when someone asks you if you have something and you can clearly point to a bottle and say, "Yes there's that something in this bottle." That means you have that something. But apparently, even though it says conditioner on the bottle and is clearly labeled and ready for the consumers convenience by combining two products into one handy and efficient product, the correct answer if a girl asks you if you have conditioner is, "No...I have 2-in-1." Allegedly there's some difference between the conditioner with shampoo and conditioner by itself, and that difference so befuddles men that we have to go to the store and spend money to buy the conditioner by itself, thus leading to having more bottle in our shower, reducing efficiency for all time. Oh and by the way while you are at it get some shampoo (which I humorously had to take another trip to the store to get, since it wasn't obvious to me that you needed both in separate bottles).
The explanation for needing separate bottles was explained to me that apparently if you are a girl and you use 2-in-1 a magical army of gremlins will make your hair frizzy or something. I assume it only applies to girls because I've used nothing but 2-in-1 for years and have yet to be assaulted by gremlins or any other magical creature trying to do harm to my hair. What this says to me is that some of us are being lied to one way or another. Either A) you need separate bottles of shampoo and conditioner or 2) You can combine the two and save yourself time/money/space/hassle. And given that I've never had a hair eating dragon split the ends of my hair, I'm betting on what the bottle says. But even if I'm wrong, when was I supposed to learn about this difference? At what point was my coach/mentor/dad ever going to tell me about this? I don't remember after football practice being told, "Ok boys, hit the showers, and make sure you use separate shampoo and conditioner, we've got a big game coming up."
Also, apparently if your hands are dry you put something called lotion on them as opposed to water? I don't get it, when was I supposed to learn this things in the normal course of my life? After talking about it with a girl, she challenged one of my guy friends who agreed that 2-in-1 was the way to go and why would we need separate bottles. Someone explain it to me, or not, all I know is that I now have 3 bottles of stuff in my shower where there used to be one, and I can't for the life of me understand why.
