lolbertarian

Not mine, but I've loved this quote for years, I got it from somethingawful:

"

This morning I was awoken by my alarm clock powered by electricity generated by the public power monopoly regulated by the US department of energy. I then took a shower in the clean water provided by the municipal water utility. After that, I turned on the TV to one of the FCC regulated channels to see what the national weather service of the national oceanographic and atmospheric administration determined the weather was going to be like using satellites designed, built, and launched by the national aeronautics and space administration. I watched this while eating my breakfast of US department of agriculture inspected food and taking the drugs which have been determined as safe by the food and drug administration.

At the appropriate time as regulated by the US congress and kept accurate by the national institute of standards and technology and the US naval observatory, I get into my national highway traffic safety administration approved automobile and set out to work on the roads build by the local, state, and federal departments of transportation, possibly stopping to purchase additional fuel of a quality level determined by the environmental protection agency, using legal tender issued by the federal reserve bank. On the way out the door I deposit any mail I have to be sent out via the US postal service and drop the kids off at the public school.

After spending another day not being maimed or killed at work thanks to the workplace regulations imposed by the department of labor and the occupational safety and health administration, enjoying another two meals which again do not kill me because of the USDA, I drive my NHTSA car back home on the DOT roads, to my house which has not burned down in my absence because of the state and local building codes and fire marshal’s inspection, and which has not been plundered of all it’s valuables thanks to the local police department.

I then log on to the internet which was developed by the defense advanced research projects administration and post on freerepublic.com and fox news forums about how SOCIALISM in medicine is BAD because the government can’t do anything right."

I wish my definition of SWAG was real

So allegedly SWAG was used in the 60's in Hollywood for ther term Secretly We Are Gay, and it was used on posters to advertise gay orgies and stuff.  There's not much truth to that from what I can find, it's fairly unsubstantiated.  But as the term swag and swagger and such have become intensely popular with a bunch of d-bags, I wish they were using the term by that meaning to mean that they are gay d-bags. I hate jerks in general, maybe because I'm one of them and I can't stand people like me. But now I hat ethem even more that I'm not part of their secret gay club.

Honey Boo Boo is the worst thing ever

Someone forced me to watch a episode of this show, and it was one of the most traumatic experiences of my entire life, right up there with having a copperhead snake coil around my leg and watching Optimus Prime die. Watching that show makes me sick to my stomach. I don't understand why it is on television, or why it's on TLC which to my understanding used to stand for The Learning Channel, and now stands for Terrible Loser Channel or The Lurid Cock or Turd Lurking Cellar or Turgid Leper Central. I'm actually ashamed that this show exists for the sole reason that it might be rebroadcast in other countries. It makes me wish that Georgia would secede again and we would just nuke it off the face of the planet. 

This all from a channel that was founded by the Department of Health Education and Welfare and NASA to provide education with no broadcast cost (it was originally distributed for free by NASA satellite).  The only reason this show and NASA should be linked at all is in the context, "The cast of Honey Boo Boo has been launched into the sun by NASA."

I'm not even going to say why it's bad because thinking about it might cause me to spew vomit all over my desk uncontrollably.  Please someone shut this show down, please someone take the children in this show into child welfare or have them go spend some time in a chinese factory as laborers.

80's Quiz

I did horrible on this one.  I got 3/10 and one of them is a gimmie.

1. Which of the following films was not directed by John Hughes?

 A. "The Breakfast Club"

 B. "Pretty in Pink"

 C. "She's Having a Baby”

 D. "Weird Science"

2. What is the real name of the alien main character of the TV series "ALF"?

 A. Charles Alcott

 B. Maxwell Browning

 C. Gordon Shumway  

 D. Alex Wheaton

3. Rubik's Cube creator Erno Rubik held what job when he created the popular toy?

 A. Chemist

 B. Engineer

 C. Gas station attendant

 D. Professor

4. Who was the best-selling music artist of the 1980s?

 A. George Michael/Wham!

 B. Madonna

 C. Michael Jackson  

 D. Prince

5. Which '80s teen star became the youngest cast-member of "Saturday Night Live"?

 A. Emilio Estevez

 B. Anthony Michael Hall  

 C. Judd Nelson

 D. Molly Ringwald

6. What was the price of the Macintosh computer when it was first introduced in 1984?

 A. $1,590

 B. $2,495

 C. $3,345

 D. $4,150

7. What was the date of Black Monday, the day when world stock markets took a dramatic crash?

 A. November 17, 1986

 B. October 19, 1987

 C. December 10, 1987

 D. September 21, 1988

8. What did "Top Gun" and "Risky Business" star Tom Cruise study to become before deciding to act?

 A. Catholic priest

 B. Church of Scientology scholar

 C. Psychologist

 D. Teacher

9. "The Facts of Life" was a spinoff of which other TV series?

 A. "Diff'rent Strokes"

 B. "Eight is Enough"

 C. "Gimme a Break!"

 D. "Silver Spoons"

10. The Boston Red Sox's 1986 World Series loss is often attributed to an error by which player?

 A. Wade Boggs

 B. Bill Buckner

 C. Dwight Evans

 D. Dave Henderson

Answers (Scroll over to see):

1. B

2. C

3. D

4. C

5. B

6. B

7. B

8. A

9. A

10. B

US Quiz

1. Which is the largest state?
2. Which is the smallest state?
3. Which state is the farthest north?
4. Which state of the contiguous (connected) 48 states is farthest north?
5. Which state is farthest south?
6. Which state of the contiguous 48 states is farthest south?
7. Which state is farthest west?
8. Which state of the contiguous 48 states is farthest west?
9. Which state is farthest east?
10. Which state of the contiguous 48 states is farthest east?

Answers (Scroll over to read):

1. Alaska

2. Rhode Island

3. Alaska

4. Minnesota

5. Hawaii

6. Florida

7. Alaska

8. Washington

9. Alaska  This is not easy to answer. On a map of the USA, Maine would seem to be the farthest east. But, which place on the earth is farthest east? The answer to that would seem to be, the 180th line of longitude, which goes through Alaska. So Alaska is farther east than almost anywhere else on earth, including Maine.

10. Maine

Shark Week Quiz

1. What is the largest kind of shark?

A.      Basking Shark

B.      Whale Shark

C.      Great White Shark

D.      Great Hammerhead Shark

2.  Do Sharks attack humans often?

A.  Yes

B.  No           

3.  How long can a shark go without eating?

A.  A week

B. Two Weeks

C. One Month

D. One Year

4.  Mother sharks stay close to their babies until they are mature.

A. True

B. False

5.  Some sharks are filter feeders

A. True

B. False

6.  Some of the smallest sharks are

A. 5 inches

B. 7 inches

C. 4 inches

D. 9 inches

7.  Out of all the sharks the great white shark is the most fierce

A. True

B. False

8. What are the two sharks that can stick their heads out of the water?

A.  Dogfish shark and the sand tiger shark

B.  Lemon shark and tiger shark

C. Great white shark and tiger shark

D. It’s Impossible for a shark to do so

9.  The largest shark can grow up to about. . .

A.  39 feet

B.  52 feet

C.  38 feet

D. 40 feet

10. How many different kinds of shark are there?

A.  Under 250

B. 250 – 350

C. 350 – 450

D. over 500

Answers (Scroll over to see):

1. B

2. B

3. C

4. B

5. A

6. A

7. B

8. B

9. D

10. C

In the Middle of the Night

I had a very restful weekend "camping" up in Santa Cruz.  However that didn't even remotely make up for what happened Sunday night.  Let's review:

11:34 PM - The cholically baby that lives upstairs continues his reign of terror on the neighborhood in general. A piercing toddler scream is an excellent way to wake up, especially every night, multiple times a night.  I think that the human brain is programmed to respond to that scream, it's too bad the parents can't respond to the threatening looks I give them for bringing a child into a crowded neighborhood.  No place to raise a baby, not with people like me living downstairs.

12:13 AM - Domestic dispute out on the sidewalk, it's loud and also worrying.  The argument centers are "respect" which is something they aren't doing for all their neighbors.

1:05 AM Baby time again.  Boom.

1:36 AM Someone drives by on a really loud motorcycle, purposefully revving his engine down the entire street.

2:14 AM A fire truck pulls up with lights blazing, no siren but the truck is extremely loud. As far as I can tell there is no fire. The fire truck causes the dog living across the street to go ballistic, this incites a dog barking war that erupts for all dogs within a three block radius.  The loud barking lasts 47 minutes.  I for one suddenly hate dogs.

3:02 AM Just as the dogs stop barking for a minute the baby kicks up screaming.  My attempts to smother myself with a pillow fail.

4:11 AM Someone leaving early starts their car but sets off the car alarm.

5:07 AM I wake up before my alarm just to make the night consistent.