I was thinking my fingers didn't hurt enough

Try this.
(That means click the blue words!)

I got it this morning from a friend, I did 79 words per minute with zero errors, which apparently makes me better than 80% of the people on that site, my friend Robert did 144 words per minute which is like in the 99th percentile .   I did the best in my office so far until Ginger does it again and gets more words right because she is faster than me but she just types less accurately.  I wish I was faster at typing, my slow fat fingers can't do it as well. Also as someone mentioned, they'd like to know how much their heart rate went up.  Also, I know there's not much reason to type fast because being a secratary is a skill lost to the ages but I still wish I was faster.

A Deeply Personal Story

So the other morning I woke up, went through my normal routine of doing some pushups and crunches and squat thrusts.  Then I moved to the bathroom and did my various things there including shaving and then got in the shower.  There was nothing special about any of these things for any normal day of the week. After about three minutes in the shower I was startled by the sound of a quarter hitting the tub....

I'm not sure where the quarter came from, I'm not sure what motion dislodged the quarter, I can't imagine having a quarter on/inside my body and not being aware.  What I am concerned about is that it took me multiple minutes of exercise and moving around and finally showering to get the quarter off me.  I'm also slightly concerned about where the quarter came from because I'm like 90% sure I didn't have any money on any of the ledges in my shower.

The night before I'd done laundry in the Laundromat but as far as I'm aware all quarters used stayed in my pocket. As far as I'm aware I haven't consumed any quarters and even if I had the coin was a little too clean for that. I'd like to think my butt was sensitive enough to let me know if it was getting violated by a metal twenty five cent piece. So the question remains, how did the quarter get to wherever it was? What was it doing there when it got there? When did the quarter begin hiding itself on my person? How did it get so deeply lodged that it took me three minutes of showering to get it to fall?

Mystery for the ages I guess.

Also not mine, from MourningView

Anyone who says they wouldn't dunk on a small child if given the opportunity is a fucking liar. I would dunk right in a fucking baby's face. Get your weak shit out of my house, you stupid baby.

lolbertarian

Not mine, but I've loved this quote for years, I got it from somethingawful:

"

This morning I was awoken by my alarm clock powered by electricity generated by the public power monopoly regulated by the US department of energy. I then took a shower in the clean water provided by the municipal water utility. After that, I turned on the TV to one of the FCC regulated channels to see what the national weather service of the national oceanographic and atmospheric administration determined the weather was going to be like using satellites designed, built, and launched by the national aeronautics and space administration. I watched this while eating my breakfast of US department of agriculture inspected food and taking the drugs which have been determined as safe by the food and drug administration.

At the appropriate time as regulated by the US congress and kept accurate by the national institute of standards and technology and the US naval observatory, I get into my national highway traffic safety administration approved automobile and set out to work on the roads build by the local, state, and federal departments of transportation, possibly stopping to purchase additional fuel of a quality level determined by the environmental protection agency, using legal tender issued by the federal reserve bank. On the way out the door I deposit any mail I have to be sent out via the US postal service and drop the kids off at the public school.

After spending another day not being maimed or killed at work thanks to the workplace regulations imposed by the department of labor and the occupational safety and health administration, enjoying another two meals which again do not kill me because of the USDA, I drive my NHTSA car back home on the DOT roads, to my house which has not burned down in my absence because of the state and local building codes and fire marshal’s inspection, and which has not been plundered of all it’s valuables thanks to the local police department.

I then log on to the internet which was developed by the defense advanced research projects administration and post on freerepublic.com and fox news forums about how SOCIALISM in medicine is BAD because the government can’t do anything right."

I wish my definition of SWAG was real

So allegedly SWAG was used in the 60's in Hollywood for ther term Secretly We Are Gay, and it was used on posters to advertise gay orgies and stuff.  There's not much truth to that from what I can find, it's fairly unsubstantiated.  But as the term swag and swagger and such have become intensely popular with a bunch of d-bags, I wish they were using the term by that meaning to mean that they are gay d-bags. I hate jerks in general, maybe because I'm one of them and I can't stand people like me. But now I hat ethem even more that I'm not part of their secret gay club.

Honey Boo Boo is the worst thing ever

Someone forced me to watch a episode of this show, and it was one of the most traumatic experiences of my entire life, right up there with having a copperhead snake coil around my leg and watching Optimus Prime die. Watching that show makes me sick to my stomach. I don't understand why it is on television, or why it's on TLC which to my understanding used to stand for The Learning Channel, and now stands for Terrible Loser Channel or The Lurid Cock or Turd Lurking Cellar or Turgid Leper Central. I'm actually ashamed that this show exists for the sole reason that it might be rebroadcast in other countries. It makes me wish that Georgia would secede again and we would just nuke it off the face of the planet. 

This all from a channel that was founded by the Department of Health Education and Welfare and NASA to provide education with no broadcast cost (it was originally distributed for free by NASA satellite).  The only reason this show and NASA should be linked at all is in the context, "The cast of Honey Boo Boo has been launched into the sun by NASA."

I'm not even going to say why it's bad because thinking about it might cause me to spew vomit all over my desk uncontrollably.  Please someone shut this show down, please someone take the children in this show into child welfare or have them go spend some time in a chinese factory as laborers.

80's Quiz

I did horrible on this one.  I got 3/10 and one of them is a gimmie.

1. Which of the following films was not directed by John Hughes?

 A. "The Breakfast Club"

 B. "Pretty in Pink"

 C. "She's Having a Baby”

 D. "Weird Science"

2. What is the real name of the alien main character of the TV series "ALF"?

 A. Charles Alcott

 B. Maxwell Browning

 C. Gordon Shumway  

 D. Alex Wheaton

3. Rubik's Cube creator Erno Rubik held what job when he created the popular toy?

 A. Chemist

 B. Engineer

 C. Gas station attendant

 D. Professor

4. Who was the best-selling music artist of the 1980s?

 A. George Michael/Wham!

 B. Madonna

 C. Michael Jackson  

 D. Prince

5. Which '80s teen star became the youngest cast-member of "Saturday Night Live"?

 A. Emilio Estevez

 B. Anthony Michael Hall  

 C. Judd Nelson

 D. Molly Ringwald

6. What was the price of the Macintosh computer when it was first introduced in 1984?

 A. $1,590

 B. $2,495

 C. $3,345

 D. $4,150

7. What was the date of Black Monday, the day when world stock markets took a dramatic crash?

 A. November 17, 1986

 B. October 19, 1987

 C. December 10, 1987

 D. September 21, 1988

8. What did "Top Gun" and "Risky Business" star Tom Cruise study to become before deciding to act?

 A. Catholic priest

 B. Church of Scientology scholar

 C. Psychologist

 D. Teacher

9. "The Facts of Life" was a spinoff of which other TV series?

 A. "Diff'rent Strokes"

 B. "Eight is Enough"

 C. "Gimme a Break!"

 D. "Silver Spoons"

10. The Boston Red Sox's 1986 World Series loss is often attributed to an error by which player?

 A. Wade Boggs

 B. Bill Buckner

 C. Dwight Evans

 D. Dave Henderson

Answers (Scroll over to see):

1. B

2. C

3. D

4. C

5. B

6. B

7. B

8. A

9. A

10. B