A Deeply Personal Story

So the other morning I woke up, went through my normal routine of doing some pushups and crunches and squat thrusts.  Then I moved to the bathroom and did my various things there including shaving and then got in the shower.  There was nothing special about any of these things for any normal day of the week. After about three minutes in the shower I was startled by the sound of a quarter hitting the tub....

I'm not sure where the quarter came from, I'm not sure what motion dislodged the quarter, I can't imagine having a quarter on/inside my body and not being aware.  What I am concerned about is that it took me multiple minutes of exercise and moving around and finally showering to get the quarter off me.  I'm also slightly concerned about where the quarter came from because I'm like 90% sure I didn't have any money on any of the ledges in my shower.

The night before I'd done laundry in the Laundromat but as far as I'm aware all quarters used stayed in my pocket. As far as I'm aware I haven't consumed any quarters and even if I had the coin was a little too clean for that. I'd like to think my butt was sensitive enough to let me know if it was getting violated by a metal twenty five cent piece. So the question remains, how did the quarter get to wherever it was? What was it doing there when it got there? When did the quarter begin hiding itself on my person? How did it get so deeply lodged that it took me three minutes of showering to get it to fall?

Mystery for the ages I guess.

Also not mine, from MourningView

Anyone who says they wouldn't dunk on a small child if given the opportunity is a fucking liar. I would dunk right in a fucking baby's face. Get your weak shit out of my house, you stupid baby.

lolbertarian

Not mine, but I've loved this quote for years, I got it from somethingawful:

"

This morning I was awoken by my alarm clock powered by electricity generated by the public power monopoly regulated by the US department of energy. I then took a shower in the clean water provided by the municipal water utility. After that, I turned on the TV to one of the FCC regulated channels to see what the national weather service of the national oceanographic and atmospheric administration determined the weather was going to be like using satellites designed, built, and launched by the national aeronautics and space administration. I watched this while eating my breakfast of US department of agriculture inspected food and taking the drugs which have been determined as safe by the food and drug administration.

At the appropriate time as regulated by the US congress and kept accurate by the national institute of standards and technology and the US naval observatory, I get into my national highway traffic safety administration approved automobile and set out to work on the roads build by the local, state, and federal departments of transportation, possibly stopping to purchase additional fuel of a quality level determined by the environmental protection agency, using legal tender issued by the federal reserve bank. On the way out the door I deposit any mail I have to be sent out via the US postal service and drop the kids off at the public school.

After spending another day not being maimed or killed at work thanks to the workplace regulations imposed by the department of labor and the occupational safety and health administration, enjoying another two meals which again do not kill me because of the USDA, I drive my NHTSA car back home on the DOT roads, to my house which has not burned down in my absence because of the state and local building codes and fire marshal’s inspection, and which has not been plundered of all it’s valuables thanks to the local police department.

I then log on to the internet which was developed by the defense advanced research projects administration and post on freerepublic.com and fox news forums about how SOCIALISM in medicine is BAD because the government can’t do anything right."

I wish my definition of SWAG was real

So allegedly SWAG was used in the 60's in Hollywood for ther term Secretly We Are Gay, and it was used on posters to advertise gay orgies and stuff.  There's not much truth to that from what I can find, it's fairly unsubstantiated.  But as the term swag and swagger and such have become intensely popular with a bunch of d-bags, I wish they were using the term by that meaning to mean that they are gay d-bags. I hate jerks in general, maybe because I'm one of them and I can't stand people like me. But now I hat ethem even more that I'm not part of their secret gay club.