I'm going to watch the shit out of the 'Watchmen'

Next week the movie version of the graphic novel 'Watchmen' is coming out and of course all the clever media reporters are asking "Quis custodiet ipsos custodes?" Or "Who will watch the watchmen". My hope is that anyone who has the gall to actually title something this has actually read the graphic novel, I'm guessing that very few of them actually have. I've had a number of people ask me about 'Watchmen' and if I've read the graphic novel, because I'm a nerd and a loser and such. I have read it, maybe a dozen times, and it is one of the most compelling and complex works I've ever read. I could read it every week for the rest of my life and still not be able to "get" everything that is being said. It's just too well done and too filled with themes to get them all. Lots of people dismiss the graphic novel as some kind of kids medium but I'm here to tell you that they've never glanced at this.

The graphic novel is the pinnacle of writing, combining a fascinating look at history, politics, economics, racism, sexism, sexualism, feminism, science, geo-political influences, media, art, and vigilantism. There's so much there it's hard to get all the references and subtleties the first time you read it, and the second time you read it, and the 14th time you read it. I can't begin to explain all the symbolism and all the small details that are in the story. But I'll try to set a background.

The story takes place in an alternate 1985. In this timeline Richard Nixon is a 5th term president, being rewarded for his success in Vietnam and perfect reputation. In this timeline the threat of Mutually Assured Destruction has been somewhat derailed by the "birth" of the first real superhero, Dr. Manhattan, who was a scientist blown up in a particle accelerator in New mexico. Dr. Manhattan after being blown up was able to reconstruct himself and became a super genius able to manipulate matter and all other sorts of fun things, including the ability to stop a number of russian missiles from landing in the event of nuclear war. Notice I said the first real superhero, as all the other "superheroes" are actually masked vigilantes, with no real powers other than wearing costumes. At some point in the United States all vigilantes were outlawed with the exception of Dr. Manhattan and one called the Comedian. The story begins as the alter ego of the Comedian is found dead. The same Comedian who secretly disposed of the watergate scandal, the same person who did unthinkable things in Vietnam alongside Dr. Manhattan. And when another vigilante finds out who the dead man is, he thinks someone if going around killing the retired vigilantes.

I'm going to stop there because I just can't possibly write enough to do the story justice. It's too complicated, I find myself not even knowing how to describe plots and subplots, you just have to read it folks, or see it, or preferably see it then read it, or even better read it then see it. I rarely get excited for a movie, but this is one I've wanted to see for a long time.

Oscar!

I half watched the Oscars sunday because I was really really bored. But even I couldn't watch it the whole time, it gets boring and stupid, and anytime someone like Bill Maher is on the screen I had to turn away. The one part of the Oscars I routinely watch is the part where they remember all the actors/directors/producers etc who have passed away in the last year. Usually there's always a surprise in there for me, "Oh shit I didn't know he was dead!" But this year for some reason I knew that all the actors that had died were dead. So there wasn't any sudden sadness that I couldn't see an actor again because I had already felt that. At the same time I wish the broadcast had done two things differently.

1) Cut out the singing, I want the hear the applause and it should all be very solemn. I don't care to hear singing when I'm trying to hear people's applause.

2) How about just showing me the main screen with the faces and names, I don't need to see Queen Latifa singing or the orchestra. In my opinion it takes away from all the accomplishments of the people you are trying to honor.

The other thing I noticed is how Charlton Heston didn't get much applause, and all I could think was what the heck. This was one of the most entertaining actors of all time and all I can think is that people got too mixed up in his political message to separate that from what he'd done on screen. I mean I get it that George Clooney said some nasty things about Heston including mocking him about Alzheimer's. I also get that Heston's pro-gun, pro-life viewpoints and other political views bothers the typical Hollywood type. But this is a guy who paved the way for all the actors around today, honor him for what he meant to the business and not what he said outside the screen. He was a Giant in Hollywood, and the least people can do is respect his work, but apparently the politics outweigh his life accomplishments. That bothers me, although I guess it shouldn't. Paul Newman who supported what would typically be called liberal causes gets a curtain call, Heston who supports gun control and white pride gets nothing.

The 5 person talks about how good each person was were also unnecessary and in my opinion a waste of time. Also Mickey Rourke got jobbed, I'm only saying that because The Wrestler was the only movie I saw, I kinda wanted him to win based solely on how weird his acceptance speech would have been.

Single's Awareness Day 2009

So once again Valentine's day is upon us, and once agian I find myself without a Valentine. No big deal because this year I'm not going to have a boring night by myself. No it just so happens that this year I'll be spending single's awareness day in Las Vegas. I'll be going up for business, but since the business part of the trip really isn't until Sunday night, I guess I'll just have to have fun Saturday night! Maybe I'll find a Valentine (not likely)! But more likely I'll get drunk and cry until the room next to me starts banging on the wall yelling at me. Happy Valentines Day!

Toilet Humor

So this may be a little gross, but these are some general observations about the men's room at work.

A couple of weeks ago I walked into a stall and sitting on top of the toilet paper dispenser was today's newspaper which was turned to the page with the sudoku puzzle on it. The puzzle had been completely filled out and it was rated as Hard or Difficult or something like that. The numbers were all in the same handwriting and it was about 930 in the morning. What this means if you think about it (and I did) is that someone came into the stall, sat down, a proceeded to stay on the can for as long as it takes to finish a difficult sudoku puzzle. You can reason it like this, it was early enough in the morning that someone didn't do it over the course of the day, and it's unlikely that someone got up early enough ot have time to it before they came to work since everyone gets in really early here. So we're talking about 35-45 minutes on the toilet in the men's room that morning alone...I'm willing to bet whoever did it left it there to prove how awesome he was, getting paid to hang out in the men's room. For me it's about how fast I can get in and out of there but for some people I guess it's a point of pride how long you can wait and not do work. Well kudos to you buddy because you've taken it to a new level. To one up him I've decided to get one of those paint by numbers kits, the complicated ones, and finish it in one sitting in the men's room. When I'm done I'm going to tape the finished art to the back of the stall door so that whenever people go in and close the door and sit down, they see how awesome I am.

There's an unwritten rule that concerns talking in the men's room. It isn't done, it shouldn't be done. Anyone who does it should be scorned. There are several guys in this office who do it, and if I see them walking into the restroom when I'm headed there I'll continue to walk by like I wasn't ever going in the first place. Hey I don't care about the score of the Lakers game, I'm holding my penis here, and what I'm thinking is my own business and nobody else's. I don't care about your kids, the weather, that heart attack you are having, I just don't care. I'm in there to do what I came to do, and I'm leaving as fast as hygenically possible.

The toilet paper in the men's room at work is better then the brand I have at home. This is because the paper in our house was bought by my roomate, who got the cheapest he could find. The next time it's his turn to buy toilet paper I'll just get it for him, because at this point in my life I feel like I've done well enough to afford the real thing. Soft yet strong. I don't need to subject myself to some one ply public toilet nonsense, I don't care how much he saved buying it. I should bring that up to the next girl I'm trying to chat up, "Well, I don't mean to brag but I have excellent toilet paper back at my place, no big deal." But what's shocking is the high quality toilet paper in the restroom at work. Completely unexpected but pleasant at the same time. I guess there is some advantage to controlling all the budgets around here. We get to pour a couple extra dollars to the Comptroller's toilet paper budget.

It doesn't apply now but the men's rooms at the Pentagon were the worst ever. It seems like all manners went out the door and they were constantly abused and used like the restrooms at a major sporting event. Actually I've been to baseball games where the men's room was less abused than the urinals in the Pentagon. Apparently working in a five-sided building makes you unable to aim or hit the trash can with a paper towl.

When you spell my name wrong, it makes me want to stab you

I understand that my real first name is Martin, and I guess if I wanted to look super stupid I would spell my name Marti instead of the more masculine Marty. But given the fact that you've spoken to me 1000000 times on the phone, exchanged 100's of e-mails where I signed it as Marty, and yet you still write back e-mails calling me Marti, sometimes you even copy other people which makes them write e-mails to me saying Marti, until I respond to them with the correct spelling and then they get it right.

You however seem to be unable to grasp how I would prefer to have my name spelled. You are apparently unable to spell my name like my e-mail says in the global address book. What all this tells me is that you are also apparently unable to live any longer in this world. Just think about how you say the words Marti and Marty. One comes with a giggle or a lisp and some kind of colorful shirts or mini umbrellas in it's drink. The other one is just a normal name and harkens back to such greats as when there was a movie with Ernest Borgnine, or a professional hockey player, or the lead guitar player of Megadeth, or at the very least the greatest character in time travel history (McFly!!!!!!!!!!! Also argueably the greatest Marty, definitely the most well known). I know there is nothing I can do to get you to stop other then being passive aggressive, but I'm very passive aggressive about it!

Dancing shoes

I keep a pair of dress shoes at work so that whenever I'm travelling to work I can wear whatever I want, be it bike shoes or tennis shoes, and be comfortable. My normal morning routine involves changing into my dress shoes right away and nobody is the wiser. However sometimes I get distracted by something or someone and I forget to change shoes. Then sometime later in the morning I realize I never changed and then have to hurry up and do it while nobody is looking. Every once in awhile I get caught, this usually manifests itself when I'm standing in the door of someone's office talking, I look down, realize I forgot to change shoes, and then they notice because I sell myself out looking at my shoes. It's not a huge deal, it's just kinda semi-unprofessional and silly. One time the comptroller saw them and commented on my shoes, I felt pretty embarrassed about that. It wouldn't be such a problem if I could be all sneaky about it instead of staring at my feet whenever I notice.

It would be hilarious if that showed up in my performance review though...Marty Jenkins, good work initiative, hard worker, quick to pick things up, always a team player, wears the wrong shoes at work, promotion denied. I'd try and fight it by saying that I had the correct shoes on most of the time! But as you know it's like a three strikes law, and after the third time they caught me wearing the wrong shoes I had to be written up. My supervisor didn't want to report me, but I'd been warned about it enough times to know that simply wearing a tie and shirt or suit isn't enough...you can't wear tennis shoes at the office. Then the fifth time they catch me they give me a final warning, one more time and they'll have to terminate my employment! So for like 5 months I get it right but then one random Wednesday (also I had no idea how to spell Wednesday...) I come in all tired and I've got a bunch of work right away in the morning and I'm getting through it, but then some person who hates me sees my shoes while I'm giving a report and he/she tells my boss...then they get security to escort me from the building because the reports from before are on file for 6 months. And that is exactly how I see myself in 5 years, being escorted from the building because I forgot to change into my dress shoes.

Should I fight?

I promised myself when I started training MMA that I wouldn't actually fight. But everyone at my gym keeps pushing me to train to fight and actually do it. I'm not sure exactly why but they think I have the skills to do well. I'm not as confident, and I keep reiterating that I'm just training for fun. But I admit the prospect isn't unappealing to me, it seems like it would be fun. First I need to get my nose cauterized, then we'll talk. I promised myself I wouldn't, but who knows, I don't have much esle going on at the moment. So we'll see.