Toilet Humor

So this may be a little gross, but these are some general observations about the men's room at work.

A couple of weeks ago I walked into a stall and sitting on top of the toilet paper dispenser was today's newspaper which was turned to the page with the sudoku puzzle on it. The puzzle had been completely filled out and it was rated as Hard or Difficult or something like that. The numbers were all in the same handwriting and it was about 930 in the morning. What this means if you think about it (and I did) is that someone came into the stall, sat down, a proceeded to stay on the can for as long as it takes to finish a difficult sudoku puzzle. You can reason it like this, it was early enough in the morning that someone didn't do it over the course of the day, and it's unlikely that someone got up early enough ot have time to it before they came to work since everyone gets in really early here. So we're talking about 35-45 minutes on the toilet in the men's room that morning alone...I'm willing to bet whoever did it left it there to prove how awesome he was, getting paid to hang out in the men's room. For me it's about how fast I can get in and out of there but for some people I guess it's a point of pride how long you can wait and not do work. Well kudos to you buddy because you've taken it to a new level. To one up him I've decided to get one of those paint by numbers kits, the complicated ones, and finish it in one sitting in the men's room. When I'm done I'm going to tape the finished art to the back of the stall door so that whenever people go in and close the door and sit down, they see how awesome I am.

There's an unwritten rule that concerns talking in the men's room. It isn't done, it shouldn't be done. Anyone who does it should be scorned. There are several guys in this office who do it, and if I see them walking into the restroom when I'm headed there I'll continue to walk by like I wasn't ever going in the first place. Hey I don't care about the score of the Lakers game, I'm holding my penis here, and what I'm thinking is my own business and nobody else's. I don't care about your kids, the weather, that heart attack you are having, I just don't care. I'm in there to do what I came to do, and I'm leaving as fast as hygenically possible.

The toilet paper in the men's room at work is better then the brand I have at home. This is because the paper in our house was bought by my roomate, who got the cheapest he could find. The next time it's his turn to buy toilet paper I'll just get it for him, because at this point in my life I feel like I've done well enough to afford the real thing. Soft yet strong. I don't need to subject myself to some one ply public toilet nonsense, I don't care how much he saved buying it. I should bring that up to the next girl I'm trying to chat up, "Well, I don't mean to brag but I have excellent toilet paper back at my place, no big deal." But what's shocking is the high quality toilet paper in the restroom at work. Completely unexpected but pleasant at the same time. I guess there is some advantage to controlling all the budgets around here. We get to pour a couple extra dollars to the Comptroller's toilet paper budget.

It doesn't apply now but the men's rooms at the Pentagon were the worst ever. It seems like all manners went out the door and they were constantly abused and used like the restrooms at a major sporting event. Actually I've been to baseball games where the men's room was less abused than the urinals in the Pentagon. Apparently working in a five-sided building makes you unable to aim or hit the trash can with a paper towl.