Phone Law

I've waited a couple months to post this without any incidents, so any of my friends might wonder who the guilty parties are, it could be any of you. I won't name names.

I understand that my phonecalls are the most important things in the world. I understand that hearing from me is possibly the most exciting part of your day and that you can't wait and call me back because you are so excited. But what you should probably do is make sure you aren't distracted too much to understand what I'm saying on the phone. And when I say distracted I mean very specifically you shouldn't be receiveing a blowjob from your girlfriend when you are on the phone with me.

Does it enhance the excitement of being fellatiated? Perhaps. But guys let's be honest here, how much do I want to waste my time on the phone with you when this is happening? 0% of the time, that's how much. Enjoy yourself, have fun! My call can wait, honest, I promise that nothing I tell you will be as fun as what is happening in your pants area at that moment. It's not only disrespectful to me that you aren't giving my your undivided attention, but it is probably disrespectful to your girlfriend, or boyfriend, I don't judge. I just don't want to be involved. Frankly I hope the individuals (and yes there is more then one of you) who are guilty of answering my call whilst having your wang in the good hands/mouth of someone else, were promptly told to do it yourself once you hung up the phone.

It really ought to be against the law, I mean your being rude to at least two people. Chief amongst those is me, but offending your significant other should count for something. I mean they should be able to get you fined for that bullshit, take it to court and it should go on your permanent record. That way when you go out with someone new they can check a list and see if you've been caught in a T.W.B.B. Talking While Being Blown. Try explaining that one to some girl you want to date, "Uhh yeah babe I got a TWBB, but it was no big deal, I paid the fine and had to go to a sex education class." See if she doesn't walk away from you.

Talk to her while she's polishing helmet, tell her you are enjoying it at least. Just don't talk to me and pretend you are paying attention. Because I can tell when it takes you 10 seconds to respond to the question, "What are you up to?" Especially when your answer is, "Uhhhh don't stop, damn that feels good...Oh me, I'm umm, mowing the lawn..."