Adventures in Sleep

Last night I was exhausted at 9 PM. Naturally the thing to do when you are exhausted is go to bed, turn off the light and get a good night's sleep. However it's not that way for everyone. For example last night I went to bed, turned out the lights, and proceeded to lay in my bed awake until my alarm went off this morning. No sleep, not one little bit, I got out of bed and was just as tired as I was when I went to bed, it is extremely frustrating. When I first closed my eyes everything shut down except my brain. My head just got it's engine going and didn't stop all night, I become the godamn little engine that could but doesn't really want to.

It's more or less like this every single night for me. Sometimes I get bored of sitting in bed and I will get up and read, or write, or very rarely I will watch TV. But the fact remains that on an average day I get between 0-3 hours of sleep and it's been this way for abotu 10 months. I took my ability to sleep for granted, and while I will never again not relish a good couple hours of sleep, I really to yearn for the time when 8 hours of sleep was easy to come by. The only way I get that now is if I'm blackout drunk, and not even then sometimes. Sleep is one of those things you absolutely need, and you can't make it up if you aren't getting it one night. It affects every stupid aspect of your life when you aren't sleeping. It's damn unhealthy, like having an addiction to picking fights with people bigger then you, but without the added benefit of visable bruises.

When I first started having sleep problems I assumed that at some point I would just outright crash and sleep for like a day or so. But that's not how it works. I thought that the reasons for my lack of sleep had gone away, the stress pr whatever was causing it, but it hasn't. I've had people tell me that they wish they were insomniacs, all I can say to them is, "No you don't, trust me you want nothing to do with it." It wrecks you, it just crushes you and it is basically all you can keep doing to lead a normal life. Everyone says I should go see a doctor but I've seen a doctor, they want me to do a sleep study and then get on some kind of sleep medication. I won't do that, I just won't, I will not eat green eggs and ham or take sleep medicine sam I am.