Children, the best workout

I submit to you that the best possible workout in the world, is playing tag with children on a playground. It will force you to sprint, jump, twist, turn, flail and contort through various obstacles that you don't really fit through. The first thing you will notice is that your body hasn't moved that way in years, in fact, it may call into question whether you were ever able to perform some of the moves required to chase an 8 year old. I don't care if you are a gymnast or a fitness expert, or some ungodly combination of the two, I defy you to try and lunge at a small child for more than a minute without getting tired. It won't happen, you will be tired and sweaty within 20 seconds. The children however will not be tired at all, they will still have the same relative level of enthusiasm and energy after an hour, as they did when the game began. Which is frankly disheartening, since you will want a break pretty much whenever you can get one. The next day you will be sore, oh god how you will be sore.

But at the end of the day you will have fun, and it will be a great workout. You will dominate as well because no matter how tricky these little punks are they can't match your height, speed, and reach. So what you do is let the little kids, or the girls who can't catch anyone easily tag you and you go after the hotshot 8 year olds who think they are untouchable. Seriously guys, I'm 25, I'm going to catch you even if I can't run up the twisty slide or go through the small openings very easily. Eventually I'm going to chase you to the ground and then it's a footrace, and you will lose. Then you won't be able to claim that nobody can catch you while you tag a girl who is more interested in her pink shoes than the game. Then the cycle repeats itself and ends with you getting destroyed by a man almost 20 years older then you. This is my playground son, don't mess with the master.

I know what your thinking, ahh that pedophile Marty was out playing with kids over the weekend! How fun. But truthfully I was in San Jose visiting my uncle for Thanksgiving. He has two precocious children aged 8 and 6 and a stepson aged 16. The stepson is a mere 6'3" and 300 lbs, he played JV football this year and let me tell you, if I was his coach I would be salivating at the prospect of getting this kid on my team for the next three years, he's a monster. But his younger siblings are really cute and polite. All in all I had fun up in San Jose. It was like a more overcast, slightly colder, slightly more populated San Diego. It's funny how things change when you are at someone else's house for the holidays. They have their own rituals or in this case, they have not yet developed said rituals since the kids are so young. But it was pretty nice and I'm glad I got to go somewhere instead of staying here by myself.

Getting to hang around the kids for a couple of days reinforced my desire to have kids some day. I don't know how I'll go about it, since you have to like, find someone to have children with if you are going to do it properly. But I think they are lots of work, and completely worth it, or at least it seems that way. But I think it's all worth it when I take them t the playground and destroy them playing tag. It will be a great workout, and then I will be sore the next day. But if you do it often enough you could get into some kind of shape that is not round.