Oink Oink

Most people freeze up when they have to talk to police, something about the uniform or some ingrained sense of respecting authority. Whatever it is most people act noticeably different when faced with the prospect of talking to a police officer. I minored in talking to police officers in college, police affairs if you will (that would be such a cool subject). I've learned the ins and outs of getting what you want out of cops, cracking jokes and also being an asshole/making fun of them and getting away with it. It doesn't always work but honestly these guys are just working and it's ok to razz them if they are being unreasonable dicks because just wearing a uniform doesn't give you the right to be a jackass. I do appreciate the safety and service they provide just like I appreciate all members of the military, post office, garbage collectors, etc... but there's a difference between protecting and serving, and using your authority for no other reason than to entertain yourself. When such situations occur (and they do) it's time for me to let them know how inconsiderate they are being.

Saturday night I got pulled over at about 7:30 after taking a right turn at the intersection of two major roads. The cop threw his lights on and turned on his mega powerful search light and aimed it at my side view mirror so that I couldn't see. he then trundled up to my window with a stick up his ass and informed me that I had not come to a complete and total stop before taking that right turn. My first thought was, wow this guy must be really bored, because there wasn't that much traffic and I don't think I did anything that was that bad. I'm sure I didn't come to a 3 second complete stop, but I am sure I stopped and looked before turning. Either way I knew I was getting a ticket for something that I wouldn't normally and although I deserved it by the letter of the law, my impression was that this guy was being overly obnoxious for something else that had happened. So I gave him my license and registration and he went back to his car to write up my ticket, but he kept his light aimed at my mirror and it was really hard for me to see anything.

After about a minute of moving my head around to try and not be blinded I got out of the car and walked to his window and knocked on it.
"Would you mind turning off that light, it's blinding me."
"I have this light for my protection sir, I needed to make sure nothing suspicious was going on. You might have had weapons-(cut off by me)"
"Well I don't and since you already saw that I would appreciate it if you could turn it off because it's blinding me."
"Yes sir, sorry about that."
"No problem, also if you'd like I probably have a crossword puzzle or sudoku book in the back of my car if you are bored and want to do some paperwork." (You should have seen his face after I said this, he was pissed. But I was pissed too.)
"No thank you, now please return to your vehicle, I will be with you in a minute."

A couple of thing here, first what I did was highly questionable, and if he'd decided to he could have arrested me for leaving my vehicle. I figured he wouldn't because I'd been polite when he first came to the car. Second, he was entirely within his procedural rights to keep that light on, but he didn't have any reason to given that he already had his headlights on and he had seen that I posed no real threat. Third, I'm sure I probably, by the letter of the law, deserved a ticket for the way I took that turn. It's a stupid thing to give someone a ticket for and while I was willing to accept his attitude (which sucked) I was not willing to accept him blinding me while writing a normal traffic ticket. Look we all get bored at work, but when I get bored I don't go around giving out expensive tickets for borderline offenses. "Uhh Wendy you didn't replace all the staples in my stapler when you used it, that's going to be $85 dollars or a trip to court." If he tagged me for being in a residential zone, which is possible because I was on the borderline of one, then I'm going to court, and I'm going to sass his ass in court. Why? It's not because I really care about getting a ticket or worry that I won't be able to pay. It's because I enjoy the hell out of being sassy to cops when they are being jerks. So yes, I'm a petty small minded douschebag sometimes but everyone already knew that.

The funny thing is that I almost got a ticket later in the evening for almost the same thing (taking a right turn in front of an oncoming cop without stoping completely). But I hesitated and waited for the car to pass before turning and it turned out he was a cop and probably would have given me a ticket. So thanks to the first officer for making me mind myself when taking a right turn. You saved me getting a second ticket...