Always look on the brightside

During dinner with my father and my stepmother's family last night we found out that my sister Christina was at the hospital with appendicitis. This put my father into a spiral of worry and if it hadn't been for the bowl of potato chips nearby he might have chewed off his fingers. He was obviously worried and when I asked how she was doing after he talked to her he said, "She'd dying." Which hopefully is not true, after all appendicitis is quite common and although she will have to get her appendix removed it is a fairly common surgery. I hope she pulls through fine but in trying to make fun of the situation last night to lighten the mood I came up with some pretty good pros and cons for her death:

Pro: My father always mixes up my sisters names, especially when he is around both of them. You would think that the different hair color and drastically different look would be a clue, but no. At least it's not like my stepmother who claims to have been called the family dog's name on at least one incident during childhood. The mix-up by my father would hopefully not be an issue anymore.

Con: My parents already paid for her college tuition so that's pretty much a sunk cost.

Pro: I believe you could write off her funeral expenses or something.

Con: My parents would be responsible for her debt instruments, and the word on the street is sistas gots some biillllls.

Pro: We would get all of her stuff.

Con: I don't want any of her stuff and most of her clothes probably won't fit me. Which is a real shame.

Pro: We will no longer have to take into account her vegetarian lifestyle when it comes to cooking Christmas and thanksgiving dinner. No more tofurky or salmon.

Con: Less presents at Christmas time, although she never gives me presents so I guess that's more of a push.

Pro: This was the last year she could count as a deductible dependant on my parents tax forms, so they won't be feeling the taxman's wrath any more then they already were.

Con: She won't be there to have a child so the pressure will be more intense on me to produce a grandchild…or a great grandchild depending on who is criticizing me.

Pro: One less person that knows my secret identity.

Con: My life will be less filled with fantastical and unbelievable stories about why she can't attend family functions.

Pro: We'll have finally got rid of the one blonde girl in our immediate family that kinda had people who meet us scratching their heads and wondering what the mailman looked like. Then we show them pictures of my great aunt and they are nearly identical to those of my sister. We had a very active mailman…

Con: She won't be able to contribute to the fund I'll start for my parents wellbeing in their retirement years.

Pro: Less people trying to steal my kidneys.

Con: She sometimes had hot friends that I would get to meet, and then never see again…

Con: One less smart biologist around to help me find the recipe for immortality.

Con: If she has surgery and doesn't make it then I won't get to make fun of her for being less of a person, literally since they are taking part of her out.

So all in all I hope her surgery goes well, I hope that I'll get good news very soon regarding her recovery time. Luckily she has health insurance and loving parents to help her. Her older brother might even be sympathetic too, in fact I know he is, he's hoping the right now as he's writing this she gets better. Because at the end of the day even with all the quirks and bumps and bruises she is still my sister and I'll be godamned if any infection will take the joy of killing her from me.