Saturday morning I woke up at about 5am and was laying in bed considering reading till it was time to go to the gym and play racquetball. A little before 5:30 the side of the house started rumbling. Slowly at first but in very short time it was shaking the entire side of the house and I thought my window was going to break, mind you I live in the basement so the idea of something shaking the basement walls is pretty ridiculous. I could also hear the sound of somebody's bed hitting the wall with fairly rhythmic timing. I naturally assumed someone upstairs was having fun with their pants off and that it was just a little more exuberant fun then normal. It was also a little bit early for any of my roomates to be awake but I figured that maybe they woke up early and were feeling a bit randy so other then them shaking the side of the house so hard they they nearly cause damage I didn't think much of it. So after about a minute it stopped and I picked up my book and began reading and when it was time I went to the gym and "played" racquetball, although I was terrible so more appropriate verbiage would be "sucked at".
When I got home my roomates were just stirring so I went to go make fun of whomever it was that moved the house at 5:30 in the AM. One roomate had his girlfriend over but he said he had nothing to do with the commotion, so I poked my head in my other roomate's room to find him balled up in a corner of his bed with the lights on. I asked him what was going on and he said that he had night terrors and it had scared him so much that he had shaken the entire house in his nightmare. I asked him what his nightmare was about and he told me that it was about giant centipedes. Giant centipedes...that might be the scariest thing I've ever heard. I happen to have met plenty of non-gargantuan centipedes and they creep me out. For one they look terrifying, and second they are fast, lightening fast. One time I turned on the light in my room only to watch a centipede go from the middle of my back wall to the window across the room in like a second. With my firsthand dealings and acquaintances with these bugs I can tell you that hunting them is dangerous and creepy, so I have no problem with my roomate being scared by enlarged versions of these monsters.
Just the thought of a centipede crawling on my raises the hairs on my neck. The thought of being chased by it's larger cousin is simply terrifying. It's just one more thing to keep me up at night (oh like I totally need help with that). My roomate said that in addition to being chased by the centipedes he also had to ride on cowboy style...ick. No chance you would ever get me to do anything but shoot a giant centipede with a rocket launcher. It's possibly the most terrifying dream I've ever heard of or imagined. Far more terrifying then the dream that you woke up late for a test well after you graduated college. Nothing with giant multiple legs and segments is trying to chase you in that dream, all you have to face there is failure which can be faced in non-dreams every day. The worst part is that what if my roomate turns out to be able to see into the future. Then in the not to distant future we're going to have to be able to deal with these nightmares. That's why starting today I've decided to stock up on industrial quantities of insecticides and also lubricant. The insecticide is for the giant bugs, the lubricant is for personal use...just kidding...about one of the two...guess which one?
Giant fear inducing bugs aside, I felt bad for my roomate so I took him to lunch at an all you can eat Indian buffet and patted his hand while we talked about rainbows and fluffy bunnys. Giant man eating fluffy bunnies that have teamed up with the centipedes to eat us all.
Below is a link from The Onion. I love The Onion and this article is especially hilarious because I've had thoughts similar to this.
http://www.theonion.com/content/opinion/this_is_the_point_in_the_blow
No comments:
Post a Comment