I wish I was a bear

Did you ever feel like you wanted to just hibernate? Just fall asleep for a couple months and let all the weariness of your body and taxes on your spirit just drain away? How cool would that be? You'd wake up with a month or so of rest and you could take on the world with your newfound reserves of energy.

I mean you would have to get rid of the bedhead you would have sustained while in hibernation but after 4 minutes of fixing your hair, a quick shower, and maybe a shave you would be ready to go punch out the sun. But you will have to pick out something to wear. After all you want to make a positive impression with your newfound cache of rest because you don't want people to think that you are some kind of bum who sleeps for months at a time. So you need to spend some time thinking about what you are going to wear, who is going to see you? Do you need to impress them? What kind of impression do you want to make, and is it possible to offend people by being too formal? But once you decide what you are going to wear you are ready to go and nothing is going to stop you!

Except for that nagging pain in your stomach! You haven't eaten in a couple months and your stomach is all rumbly and you don't function well on an empty stomach, so you need to get something to eat before you solve all the world's problems. You need to decide what and where to eat. I mean you could go out and get food and come home and make it but that might sap some of the energy you had plus you feel refreshed so you kind of want to have a really great meal that doesn't take a bunch of your time to make. Ahh but then you'd have to go out to a nice restaurant and spend a bunch of money and you haven't been working while you were hibernating so you are a little low on funds. If you go out you need to decide where to go, what kind of food do you want? I mean it's been months since you last ate, and all your favorites are calling. Decisions decisions...

So you get something to eat, and now you are ready to fight evil and carve out your place in the world! They'll be singing your praises in no time, glory be to you with all this energy, nothing is going to stop you! But then you catch a glimpse of yourself in the mirror, oh god, you haven't been to the gym in months. You are a skinny pasty wimp and all the muscle and cardio work you did before your big nap has gone away. Geez you need to hit the gym, hard, because not only do you care about your health but you don't want to spend extra energy because you are out of shape. You will have to spend energy to work out but it will be ok because it is just a little energy and it will pay dividends later.

But you are at the gym and you realize that you have no idea what is going on in the world. New music is playing on the radio, pundits are talking about what's going on and you don't have a clue. Did your clothes go out of fashion? How did your favorite sports team do and what were the major stories that you might have missed out on? What television shows or movies should you have seen? What happened to all your favorite celebrities and were there any major disasters you should know about (note: death of a favorite celebrity would be a disaster, you will need time to cope)? So may things you need to learn about since you've been out of touch, so after the gym you'll have to go home and learn that stuff quickly so that you don't seem like a dolt when people talk to you. But once you do that you'll be ready to go, and there's no telling what the limits of your energy will bring.

When you get home you realize you haven't been keeping up on your correspondence. You have 5201 voice messages and over 1 million e-mails you need to sift through. Not to mention all the text messages and mail you've received. You'll need to catch up on all that stuff after you learn about the current events. But you can spend a couple hours doing that and then you will be ready to...go to sleep.

It's been a long day, you had to wake up and groom yourself and eat and go to the gym and read the newspaper and all your favorite blogs and such. Then you had to catch up on all your mail, your e-mail, all the social things that you neglected while you were asleep. After all that you are pretty tired, but that's ok you can go to sleep and wake up and finish the things that you didn't have time to do today, and then you are ready to change the way people think on this planet with your energy. But you have to get a job to pay for next year's hibernation and that's not going to be cheap so you will have to work really hard, and rarely do working hard for money and changing the world go hand in hand. But after you work hard you will be ready to hibernate again and once you wake up from that you will have all kinds of energy to do the things you want. Just as soon as you get something to eat and go to the gym and etc etc.

Hibernating is way more involved then I thought, in fact it sounds like a lot of work. Man I'm going to be so tired after I hibernate, I'm going to need to take a nap.