I'll work for peanuts

Have you ever been given or seen a tin of deluxe super expensive peanuts? The gourmet kind that are absurdly priced and when you receive them you smile and nod but the whole time you are thinking how much you really needed another pair of socks instead? Well if you've ever been allowed to opportunity to consume some of the high-end uber peanuts you will discover, as I have over the years, that they are often bland, tasteless, and altogether unappetizing. Whereas your run of the mill ballpark peanut is filled with flavor, a zesty fullness, and character wrought from the cruel lessons of the street. A hard living, fast moving peanut is the nut for me man, as I let my tie flow freely in the wind atop a sense of self satisfaction garnered from my own superiority complex while my close cut hair remains matted. The tin of peanuts you can buy at any convenience store in the country tastes better than the gourmet peanuts that the lower class such as myself cannot afford.

But this is true at many levels, where a less expensive and more readily available confections are better to the palate then their haughty overpriced brothers. Ballpark nachos are often far more fulfilling then your high priced restaurant equivalent. Or maybe it's that my tastes aren't as sophisticated as my social and economic betters. Perhaps my lowbrow preference distinguishes my ignorance from that of your average peanut gallery (a group of knowledgeable peanut connoisseurs, I bet you've never seen that term used this way). What can I say, ignorance in this matter is perhaps bliss, my desire for peanuts only goes so far. I don't sit around in a room with other hobbyists sampling the latest and greatest crop of deluxe peanuts. I'm afraid I don't have the patience to divine what years were best for peanuts, "My good man, '83 was undoubtedly the pinnacle of peanut perfection, never again will we see vintage gourmet peanuts like that again! Now if you'll excuse me I have to go have my moustache waxed while my Rolls Royce is buffed to a fine sheen."

You know what? I'm glad that I prefer your ordinary run of the mill cheap peanut. It saves me money on the rare occasions that I desire to consume such things. Hell I might just go out and buy some of those honey crunch peanuts..."Why Reginald, flavored peanuts? I must say such a thing is most uncouth and unsightly. Your impudence will be the end of you, you'll be the laughing stock of the peanut ball if you are allowed in at all...flavored peanuts...well I never!" All I know is that I'd have to pretend really hard to notice the difference between one gourmet peanuts which sucks, and another. I guess I should cancel my subscription to Peanut Fancy, and Groundnut Enthusiast, and Legume Quarterly. My counter-culture peanut stance is what keeps me on the edge of the highbrow peanut loving crowd. Which is why I guess I never get invited to fancy parties. "Oh God! It's Marty! He has such dreadful taste in snack peanuts, I can't believe they let his type in here. Darling get my coat, I won't stand to be in the company of such a Neanderthal." I guess I'll never get to the peanut ball…if only there was a peanut fairy godmother…sigh.